Friday, December 3, 2010
"Life is like a fart. You start out in a secluded environment. You spend your adolescence sheltered by your parents. You live in a rectum. College is a time, a journey which you finally pass through the anus. TUSCALOOSA IS OUR ANUS. When you leave the anus, you can go where you wanna go. You can stink if you wanna stink, be silent but deadly, or politeness be damned of society with your powerful voice and pungent aura." (330 am.... Don't even bother.)
Me: "You sounded like a mentally retarded sheep!"
Her: "I was gonna say a constipated camel vomiting, but okay."
Me: "No, I like yours better..."
(5 AM... haahhahaha)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
"So, you would move to Vermont because it's bigger than Connecticut?" "Yeah! Bigger is always better as a tranny!"
(Don't ask...)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Roomie: "Is that spaghetti? Nah, it's just pancakes."
Me: -looks at advertisement- "HAHAHAHAHA IT'S TOASTER STRUDELS!"
(Seeing an ad for Pillsbury Toaster Strudels at 6 AM)
Friday, November 5, 2010
"My little pony, my little pony, I wanna bounce around on you."
(In reference to a Google search binge on a My Little Pony 'bounce house')
Monday, October 25, 2010
"I'm good for the economy; just bad for therapists."
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Me: "Fruit snacks?"
Her: "What? I need something gummy and fruity... and GAY!"
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Me: "Mario Lopez or Joseph Gordon-Levitt?"
Her: "Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in 10 Things I Hate About You, but Mario has a really nice body. But Joseph is cuter, but my mother would approve of Mario, so that brings him down."
Friday, October 22, 2010
820 PM
Me: "The God you don't believe in is on your side!"
Her: "That's just for today. For the past week, he's been like 'Fuck you with a unicorn!'"
900 PM
"Go fall into a puddle of piranhas in AIDS blood." (on people undeserving to be "kick-ass" happy).
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