I stayed up all night, again.
I slept all day.
I had a burger and fries for my usual dinner at Lakeside.
Came back to the dorm room.
I began to question myself as to what I wanted to do.
Nothing seemed fairly plausible, so I signed on to FaceBook.
Nothing was going on and a few of my friends messaged me asking if I was okay.
Of course, I wasn't exactly in the mood for talking, so I changed the subject.
Then I realized that I had missed my episode of the Big Bang Theory, one of my favorite TV shows EVER! So, I watched it online.
The episode ended and there was nothing else to do.
So I started watching season 3... continuing from my Blockbuster rentals of season 2.
Episode after episode, I became hungry again.
I went to the kitchen and spent 30 minutes trying to open a can of Spaghettio's with my piece of shit can opener. I hate that thing... Anyway, I even went down to Jaron's room to see if they had one I could borrow. Of course, The one guy that I am not too acquainted with answers the door and explains to me that they don't even have a can opener. I felt so stupid and humiliated and desperate. I walked back to my room in shame and I just wanted to cry and fall apart... over a can of Spaghettios. (I think I am officially depressed.) I wanted something else with them, so I took a break half way through the season and went down to the vending machines to get a drink. I swiped my card and pressed the button for my drink of choice. Dr. Pepper thundered down the machine and I grabbed it from the dispenser. I went over to the machine with snacks and was disappointed when they were out of Reese's. I swiped my card and punched in the number 114, and repeated the process again, acquiring 2 bags of chips. I really wanted to add something sweet to even out my sugar/salt content for my blood circulation, but nothing intrigued me. The I recalled that there were brownies upstairs in our kitchen. I went back up the elevator, got to my room, and started proceeded with season three episode ten. I ate the whole bowl of Spaghettios, both bags of chips, a half a bag of Reese's Pieces and finished my Dr Pepper. I sat and stared aimlessly at my laptop screen watching the next after the next after the nest. I just might finish the season tonight. Who knows?
I've said that I'm desperate and vulnerable enough for lame, drunk or high hookups but now I know that I'm waaaaaaaay to tired for that, even if I really did want it.
I don't even wanna do anything.
Or go anywhere.
Not even talking to or texting my friends has helped.
I just don't talk much anymore.
I stay up all night, I sleep all day.
I mean, my college life has been that already, but now there's actually a somewhat legit reason for it; and now, when I want to go to sleep earlier than usual, I will not be able to, thanks to my mind and my stomach.
I'm upset about the conflicting conversations between the man I love and myself, which makes me eat more. And when I realize I'm eating more, I realize that I'm going to be part of the fraction of freshman-fifteen students. That depresses me increasingly more, so I inhale more food. I feel lousy, and helpless, and lonely, and I feel like crying all of the time.
And now, my personal interest in everything has decreased by a saddening percent.
Even BBT is starting to not make me laugh at everything.
I think it;s because a character like Leonard is with a character like Penny...
I adore it, I'm happy for them... but I want some of that too.
Besides, I can't really laugh out loud now because my roommate is sleeping.
Eh, best continue to let my evening absorb BBT and let blood stream absorb the recently consumed sugar. And because of this decision, I will probably not be getting much sleep tonight, if any, thanks to depression and gluttony.
I've been watching BBT for 11 hours straight. It'll be 12 hours soon.
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