I haven't cried in two months.
Only once, over a movie.
But not over anything serious.
Not about life.
Not about school.
Not about home.
Not about you.
And today, came the mental breakdown.
The waterworks.
The sob-fest.
The uncontrollable.
My eyes.
They're bloodshot.
They've turned red.
Because everything
We had is dead.
What is wrong?
With you?
With us?
With... Me?
Depression.
Homesickness?
Lies.
Why do I
Feel this way?
Feel like giving up?
Feel like everything is
Falling apart
Again?
Feel like dying.
Feel like I'm falling
Continuously
Spiraling
Down
Down
Down
Endlessly.
I fall like Alice
But instead of going somewhere
I remain in the same place.
And all I can see
Is
Your
Face.
The face that haunts me
The face that "wants" me.
The face that lies.
The face that cries.
Downwards.
Falling.
Gravity pulls me,
Sucks me in.
Nowhere.
I am useless.
I am nothing.
I am no one.
I am lost.
I am alone.
I am helpless.
I am depressed.
I am unhappy.
I am incomplete.
I am scared.
I am angry.
I am confused.
I am numb.
I am jealous.
I am unwanted.
I am empty.
I am hurt.
I am shattered.
I am broken.
I am cold.
I am sweating.
I am shaking.
I have lost all hope.
Maybe I won't help you now...
Now there's no way you're ever coming back.
My eyes burn.
My tears pour.
Streaming down my face
Like there's no tomorrow.
Why did he have to say that to me?
Why did I let this whole thing happen in the first place?
I just wanna give up, go home,
And just sleep everything away.
I just wanna collapse into someone's arms and just cry.
And sob.
And sniffle.
And try to explain why.
And try to find an answer.
But I would know that no one would truly understand.
Maybe... Maybe I could go home.
I can always transfer to UNCW...
Sure, it'd be helluva lot more expensive.
But, I could manage.
This day was decent for a while.
But now, it's shit.
I just wanna crawl into a hole
And shut out the world
And just be.
I know that's not the answer,
But right now,
It's all I want.
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